Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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