I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
