I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Houston, we have a blender
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
