3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
