im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
