Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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