i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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