my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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