took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
