what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
