i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
