I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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