What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
