D3 body, D1 cock
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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