he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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