I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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