Yo dont text me then not text me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
