OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
