i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
