my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
