I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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