plz talk dirty to me
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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