Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
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