I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
