Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
