Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
