white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
how drunk are you?
Several
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
