i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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