You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
