walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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