This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
