Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
