dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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