at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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