If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
