ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just pee around me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
