That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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