either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
