Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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