party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Panties = found
Randomize
