I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
