What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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