Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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