Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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