My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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