Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
