And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
