Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
