just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
