I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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