I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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