"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The beers last night were like the tears from god
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
