I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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