A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
