Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
