So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
