Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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