You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
