Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
