seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
