i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
