just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
