My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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