I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
