K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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