Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
