Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
