me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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